A big part of our Hot Mess is that we have two ADHD-ers in the Herd. Since their diagnoses, there have been ups and downs, new challenges and successes, and a whole lot of education (mostly for us as parents). We could not be prouder of our ADHD-ers in their triumphs and their determination. This post is to provide some introduction and insight both into what ADHD is and how we have come to know it. I’m sure there will be many more posts on this topic in the future as it is an integral part of our lives, this is just the “tip of the iceberg” so to speak.
What is ADHD
In short, ADHD is a neurological condition where the person exhibits inattention, hyperactivity and/or impulsivity. It affects the brain’s executive function and how the brain regulates attention (it’s not really a deficit of attention, but rather a lack of regulation of attention). A person with ADHD may not exhibit all of these traits or may exhibit some more than the others. The more we learn about ADHD, the more it is described as a “spectrum” disorder, meaning there are varying degrees and flavors of it. For our two ADHD-ers, there is a very pronounced difference in their behaviors. One has more of the hyperactivity and outgoing personality, while the other can be shy and exhibits more of the “SQUIRREL!” aspect of the inattentiveness.
For an a more in-depth explanation, I will defer to the video below from the “How To ADHD” channel on YouTube. This is Jessica McCabe, she is diagnosed ADHD and does excellent work educating people about ADHD across social media and on her YouTube channel. She has also given a TEDx talk on the subject and I’d encourage anyone interested in more information on ADHD to check out her channel and her other videos. Here is one of her videos entitled “How to (Explain) ADHD?”:
Educating Ourselves
The boys’ ADHD diagnoses, along with the research prior, have proven to be an endless education on the topic. We’ve read, watched and listened to countless articles, studies, treatment recommendations, videos, podcast interviews, etc. I guess it’s a parental drive, when you know your child needs something but you don’t know what that is, you go looking for answers. We are several years into the educational quest and we are still learning.
One big thing to understand while educating yourself on ADHD is that it is still being studied and new information is continually coming out. It’s not settled and there’s no definitive “one size fits all” answer. Each person can experience and exhibit their ADHD in very different ways. Each has their own mix of traits, one may be more hyperactive than inattentive, one may exhibit a deeper hyper-focus, while another may be calm but highly inattentive. The different traits of ADHD are more like different personality traits than set behaviors. Every ADHD-er is different and you need to find what works individually for them.
Work with your Teachers
Speaking of education, even with Danielle’s background in education (she has a Master’s degree and over ten years in the classroom) there was little to no preparation for working with ADHD students (and many other classroom disabilities). Everything we’ve learned on the topic is research we have done ourselves. Sadly, a lot of teachers are in this boat. They have not been prepared to handle this, and have to learn and research it on their own.
Our children’s most successful years have come when the teachers in the room have lived this rollercoaster of ADHD. Our boys still pinpoint those teachers as “their people” because even at 4 years old they recognized a huge difference in their classroom experience. Please don’t take this as blaming a teacher in anyway, this is absolutely not the case. Teachers are left to manage and meet the needs of every student that beckons their door. This is no small feat!
There are so many misconceptions surrounding ADHD (and many other learning disabilities) and the role they play in the classroom that it is difficult to recognize. Also, no two ADHD children are alike, what works for ten ADHD kids may not work for the next 50 that pass through over the years. Adding new methods to the teacher “toolbox” for each student is having a meeting (very early on in the school year) with the child’s parents. Ask the parents, “Ok, what has worked in the past? What has not worked in the past? Is there anything that you would like to try this year?” Having that meeting to establish that you are no expert but you are willing to try a new or different approach will make an immediate and immense impression on both the parent and the student, but the key to all of this is the follow through!
Misinformation and Other People’s Opinions
As you learn more about ADHD, beware that there is A LOT of misunderstanding regarding it. There are also many (many, many) misguided and ignorant opinions on the matter (including claims that it doesn’t even exist or is fabricated by “Big Pharma” to sell drugs to kids).
There is a lot of great information available out there, but you will also need to tone out a lot of other people’s ignorance on the matter. Here’s a few thing you will or probably have heard:
“Your kid is just being a kid”
I agree that kids need to be allowed to be kids, and studies have shown that more recess time can be a benefit for ADHD students, aiding in better focus during classroom time. That being said, ADHD is not just pent up energy or normal “kid” behavior, it is a difference in the way the brain processes information and stimuli. Running around is not going to magically change their ADHD behaviors. Exercise or playtime may help the child adjust to and work with their ADHD, but it doesn’t change the way their brain operates. I believe this opinion comes from a lack of awareness of what’s really going on and what the child actually needs. It is a definite case for needing to educate people on the subject.
“The kid just needs some discipline”
You can NOT discipline away ADHD, it’s not something they can control, it’s literally how their brain works. Would you give a second grader a Calculus exam and punish them for not passing? Why not? You’re asking for something that their brain cannot control. All the punishment in the world won’t change how their brain functions, it will just make them believe there is something wrong with them and they can’t do anything right. All you will accomplish is crushing their spirit before they ever have a chance, and you won’t achieve anything regarding changing their ADHD behaviors.
“People medicate their kids just so they don’t have to deal with them”
This one particularly aggravates me because of the absolute ignorance it displays. The belief seems to be that parents are simply medicating their kids because they are too energetic and parents want the kids calm, which is a horrible condemnation of parents based on no knowledge of the subject. Medicine isn’t a “I don’t want to deal with it” thing, medicine is a tool. We want to give our kids every chance to succeed and medicine is just another tool to help them. We don’t “zombify” our kids with it, we help them process the world around them.
Medication doesn’t work for everyone, and certainly isn’t a cure all or a “don’t have to deal with it” thing. ADHD is a challenge with or without medication, the medication is just a tool to aid in tackling said challenge. It’s like a hammer, it helps you nail the boards together, but it doesn’t magically build the house. They still need the knowledge and practice in dealing with how their brain works, and medication is just an aid to help them.
“They’ll grow out of it”
Simply put, no, they won’t. This isn’t an awkward growing phase, this is how their brain works. While the way ADHD impacts their day to day life may change and introduce new or different challenges as they grow up, they will never “grow out of it.” It is a part of them, it is something they will have to handle throughout their life, and unfortunately they will have to deal with people who don’t comprehend ADHD or how it impacts them.
We are better at diagnosing ADHD, but there are still many people who aren’t diagnosed until they are adults. So it’s definitely NOT something a kid will “grow out of” but rather something that is inherent to them and how they process the world around them.
Why so serious?
While this topic is very close to us, we also try not to take everything too seriously. Joking or laughing about ADHD traits or something one of our ADHD-ers have done is pretty common in our household. While it presents a ever-present set of challenges, it is also part of our boys’ personalities and leads to some hilarious moments and sometimes a new way to look at things. To be clear, we don’t make fun of our kids or anyone with ADHD, but we don’t get offended by joking about it and sometimes it leads to moments that leave everyone laughing, including our ADHD-ers.
It’s important to have fun with it, and understand that ADHD does not mean something is wrong, it means the brain works differently. ADHD-ers typically have an out-of-box way of looking at things, and for us, we have one who can out-logic the best of them (he basically has an answer to everything and it’s usually something you hadn’t thought of).
ADHD is an adventure
We have worked through the struggles and celebrated the triumphs with our ADHD-ers and we know there will always be more challenges to come. We could not be prouder of our ADHD-ers and we hope that we can help equip them for future challenges. School has just started back and we are all excitedly anxious for what this year has in store. ADHD is a journey that our Herd is in together. The world may not quite understand them, but we wouldn’t change a thing.
